While most of America spent the July 4th Holiday relaxing in the summer heat, eating some good 'ol Apple Pie, or watching Kobayashi lose to Chestnut in this year's Coney Island HotDog eating contest I had the unfortunate experience of spending the past 5 days shacked up in a Saigon Hospital! Yup, with all the crazy animals I've been devouring lately, it's ironic that I get food poisoning from eating some Prime rib, crab cakes, and roast pork at a 5-Star Hotel! I can laugh about it now, but it was a hellish few days. Here's a quick timeline of my experience:
Friday June 30th:
7:00 PM -- Headed to the 5-Star Hotel for a networking event with the American Chamber of Commerce. Mingled, networked, and ate plenty of Prime Rib, crab cakes, sushi, chicken skewers, meatballs, and a plethora of sweets. Maybe it was just the sheer volume of food intake but it's seldom I get to eat that type of food here, so I went to town on it.
10:00 PM -- Made my way to Appocalypse Now in downtown Saigon w/ a few lady friends. It's one of the most popular spots in the city. It's an alright club with decent music and better scenery! The DJ started out w/ house music but eventually played a little hip-hop (old school style) and had the place jumping w/ about 200 Vietnamese and 20 Expats bobbin' our heads to House of Pain's "Jump Around"!
12:30 AM -- Bid good evening to my friends and hopped in a cab to go home. I had an early Saturday morning (9am) meeting with a client and therefore needed to get some sleep.
Saturday, June 30th
3:30 AM -- This is about the time the high tide came rolling in. The storm lasted for about 30 solid minutes. But during that time, there was NOTHING "solid" about what was dislodged profusely from my ass. Picture a fireman, unleashing his waterhose on a hot fire. The power of the stream coming out my backside was like the force of Mt. Saint Helens errupting after years of build-up. The frustrating part was not being able to stop the spicket from running. The more and more I squeezed to close the faucet, the more forceful the current! Finally, the storm was quieting...but it wasn't over by any stretch of the imagination. I wiped and went back to bed only to be rudely awakened by another easterly wind!
6:30 AM -- My alarm was scheduled to go off at 6:45 so this wasn't a big deal. What was a big deal was the fact that I sat on the toilet for the next hour! Everytime I thought I was finished and began the process of wiping down the windows and cleaning out the gutter another attack would welcome itself into my world.
9:00 AM -- The trooper that I am, I hopped in a cab for Saigon to attend my client meeting. Luckily, I had no attacks during the meeting but I began to feel extremely cold and started to sweat. My body started to ache all over and I couldn't wait to head back home for some rest.
11:00 AM -- The meeting finally let out and I headed back home. Once I got home my family realized I was in no shape just to ride out the storm. I went to the local medical clinic and stayed there for 5 hours. I had a running fever of 40 degrees celcius, or 104 degrees F! After getting home, and spending a couple of more bouts on the toilet, my family got worried and decided to take me to the emergency room.
11:00 PM -- As I exited the car and began to walk into the emergency room, the only thought in my mind was I hope I don't get jabbed w/ a used syringe! I made my way into the emergency room and saw several people sprawled out all over the place. I walked passed a few health "professionals" and not a single word was said to me. I was later told by an orderly to "lay over there". A guy came over to me (I assume he was a doctor) and proceeded to ask me everything but what was wrong with me. "What do you do (occupation)?"..."Where you from?"..."Are you a Vietnamese national?". I got scared w/ that last question and answered yes, anyways. He finally asked what was wrong and then walked away. Moments later I was led into another massive room with guerneys that filled the room. It truly looked like a war zone. People with bandages wrapped around their head, limbs in "limbo", momma's crying, and old people dying. I kid you not, it was normal as they told me to go lie in an already-occupied bed. Yup, 2-people per bed! I quickly glanced the floor and noticed a "free" bed that was not taken and made a quick dash for it. My freedom in my own bed wouldn't last for more than 10 minutes!
After a nurse came by and gave me an IV...I quickly dozed off for a few minutes. I was awaken by a screaming man about 3 or 4 beds down. He was obviously thriving in pain but nobody paid any attention to him....not even the guy lying in his same bed! The doctors and nurses were quite calm as they went about their business and their "next" patient. Right about that time I see a man come into the emergency room with raggedy clothes and his hand held to his head. He looked like he must have just been in a motocycle accident. His body had scrapes all over it and his head was banged up pretty good. His head must have been gushing blood earlier because his head looked like what I would call a big blood clot! His family members were inching ever closer my way and my heart starting pounding as if someone was forcing a sledgehammer against my chest. "Please don't lay next to me!" was all I could say. I closed my eyes and all I could feel was someone plop down next to me. I knew it was him but curiosity got the better of me and I needed to turn around to get a better look. As I slowly turned my head and looked, the stench of raw flesh almost made me puke. His face was pushed up against the back of my head and I couldn't take it any longer. I picked up my IV bag and proceeded to wander the ER room.
Walking really wasn't in my best interest! The volcano was being disturbed and was about ready for blast-off. I quickly asked for the bathroom and was pointed to a door outside the emergency room. As I walked out I noticed a number of people sitting and waiting. Yeah, I was led to the waiting area...everyone was looking at me wondering what this healthly looking young man (compared to everyone else) was doing in the ER w/ an IV hanging off his arm. I went into the bathroom only to find out there was no toilet paper! This couldn't be happening could it? Oh yes it was! I ran outside to ask for some toilet paper but the nurse looked at me as if I was on crack. (I'll show you crack lady!). I went back into the ER and asked around. Apparently, patients are suppose to carry their own supply of Charmin in the hospital. One nurse seemed compassionate and gave me two hand-wipes! Bless her soul!
The next four days were not all that bad except for the lack of "service" in the hospital. I sure do not expect 5-star service but an occasional "how are you feeling today?" would have been nice. I can't remember one time when a nurse greeted me or asked how I was doing. At least my doctor was cordial and pleasant. In Vietnam, if a family member doesn't accompany and stay with you at the hospital, you are on your own. You change your own sheets, take yourself to the bathroom, and feed yourself. There's no "call" button in case your IV needle jabs you the wrong way or if you've soiled your pants and need a changing. Nope, your family member who stays with you gets the luxury of doing that for you! On top of all that, I got the Expat room rate which is 33% higher than the locals. It's ok though...about 5 shots and 13 IV bottles later, I've come out of this experience a better man. All-in-all, the ER experience, hospital stay, and medication cost me a whopping 4.5 million Dong, roughly $300 USD. I'm realizing that the Healthcare Industry in VN needs more help and assistance than ever before. One more thing regarding my stay, as I was looking over the details of my bill I noticed a rather large charge (over $10). It seems as though one certain test required when one complains of stomach pains and diarrhea is to make sure the patience takes and HIV test. For your information, it was negative!
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Now, on to matters that should have put me into the hospital in the first place. Eating extravagant foods you only can find or dare to try in Vietnam! A few weeks ago, my cousin and I decided to go to a very popular restaurant in the city to eat some weasel meat. The name of the place translates "Jungle Way"...very fitting!
When we got there, the waiter said that it had been an extremely busy day and they had run out of fresh weasel meat. He then offered us the "house special" -- "dui" meat. They all looked at me and asked if I wanted to try it. I had no idea what it was since I have never heard of it before in Vietnamese. My cousins hadn't tried it before either so we all decided there's no time like the present to feast on something new. It was cheaper than weasel meat at 350,000 VND per kilogram. Weasle is 500,000 VND/kg (about $30 bucks).
They tried to explain to me what "dui" meat was and what the animal looked like. I didn't understand or could even picture it. I guessed a fox, coyote, and porcupine. I was wrong. They then led us back to the front of the restaurant to pick out our "dui". After we picked out two, they took the precious little ones back in the kitchen and prepared a 3 course meal for us. Steamed dui, sauteed, and a delicious stew! Oh yeah, before the first course, they take the blood from the critters and mix it with alcohol for an interesting cocktail. They said it was good for the the libido!
Here are those little critters:
Two Kilos of "dui" meat:
If I didn't tell you what it was, you'd like it:
"dui" Stew:
I eat "dui":
Good to the last drop:
If the above video didn't play...please click here to see it on Youtube!
Oh, did I forget to tell you what "dui" meat is? Well, just in case you wondered...it's Bamboo Rat!
