Maria Nguyen Thi Trinh
August 18, 1918 - June 9, 2009
It had been a normal day last week for me as I was finishing up at work when the dreaded phone call came. It was my cousin on the other end of the line, “Something’s wrong with Grandma…you better come home right away!” My cousin couldn’t elaborate more because she had herself just received the same phone call from her sibling. “OK, I’m on my way now” I said, as I raced out the door to catch a cab home. As I hurried out of the office I received multiple phone calls, almost simultaneously, from 3 different cousins telling me the awful news of my Grandmother’s passing.
I immediately called my parents after getting in the taxi to give them the news. It was just after 6am in the States when my Dad answered the phone. “It’s Jerome” I said. I really didn’t know what to say next but before I could even get my next breath out he dejectedly said “I know, its Grandmother, your Uncle just called”. My Mom then got on the phone and there were a few seconds of uncomfortable silence before she said “Just continue to pray for her.” After hanging up the phone, I sat in the cab silent and disheartened, thinking about how one of the main reasons I decided to work in Vietnam was to spend time getting to know my Grandparents – and now they were both gone.
For the past four years my maternal Grandmother had been bedridden after suffering a stroke. Her health progressively had gotten worse as the days went by. She didn’t talk at all anymore and any mode of communication with her was basically non-existent. We could still make eye contact with her but more often than not the stares we received back were blank, confused, and perplexed looks. There were however, rare times that we could gaze into her eyes and truly feel she was fully cognizant and aware of us. Her eyes sparkled and one could just tell that she was present at that moment. Those warm looks began to dwindle once my Grandfather passed away 8 months ago. I guess it’s true that people who have spent so many of their years on earth together have an unbreakable spiritual bond. When one departs this world the other typically is sure to follow soon…I believe my Grandmother and Grandfather are in a happier place now--together again.
Funerals for the most part tend to be events where people mourn the loss of a loved one and where the environment and mood are melancholy and depressing. My Grandmother’s funeral (like my Grandfather’s) was all of this but it also proved to be an opportune reunion of sorts for my family. It was another chance for my Mom’s siblings to all be together again with all of their cousins and the rest of the extended family. There were at least 200+ people during the first night of my Grandmother’s wake service. I would venture to guess that 80-90% of the attendees were family, directly related to my Grandmother. And just like at my Grandfather’s, there was a 50-band orchestra that performed traditional Catholic Vietnamese songs and music.
The week proved to have the expected low points of grief and bereavement but it was also was filled with great memories and being able to hear my family tell stories of the past. Seeing my Mom with her cousins and extended family laughing and reliving the good times with my Grandmother and their childhood really helped me to appreciate the great bond of family and tradition. I am glad I have this opportunity to be here, to learn and to understand the family history and to help bridge the gap between my family here and the ones living Stateside.
Thank you to all for your words of encouragement and condolences during this time. They were very much appreciated.
Below are some pictures of the funeral and wake services. They are quite similar to the ones I took during my Grandfather’s funeral. I took them with my iPhone because I haven't gotten around to getting a new camera yet so the quality isn't perfect. Enjoy the pics anyway.
Preparing the casket:
My cousin's lining the casket with roses:
The Youth Choir singing and praying:
Sisters from a local convent:
As you can see, Buddhist rituals (incense sticks) intermixed with Catholic traditions:
Getting on their motorbikes:
Other Sisters:
My Mom's Cousins, their Father was my Grandmother's older brother:
Anyone with a headband (white, yellow, or red) is a relative:
Sitting outside:
Wake service mass:
Buddhist friend's pig offering:
My Aunt, Uncle, and Cousins:
Viewing:
With my Mom and Dad in front of the casket:
Doing the incense thingy:
My Uncles (the two youngest sons):
My Mom, her sisters and their cousins (somehow my Dad found his way in this picture with all women):
Just a few people taking a midday nap:
50 member orchestra:
Getting ready to close the casket:
Procession to the Church:
At the burial site:
Filling the grave:
Buried next to my Grandfather:
40 tables for the reception (400 people):
Here's some pics of the elders telling stories and having a very good time:
We found some of my Grandparents stuff with old report cards and paperwork from my aunts and uncles from many moons ago. It was funny to read the comments and look at that stuff:
